How Once Upon A Time Should Have Ended
by Anonymius
Summary: Parody of Once Upon A Time in the style of the HISHE videos. There must have been an easier way for Rumplestiltskin to get to the Land Without Magic without resorting to the convoluted means the whole series relied on? Oh wait! There was! Actually several emerged over the course of the series, but there was one in particular that I could think of from Season 1.


**I do not own 'Once Upon A Time' or anything related.**

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"Reul Ghorm!" Rumplestiltskin shouted to the empty air, "Show yourself!"

The Blue Fairy appeared.

"How do I follow him?" He begged to know.

"You had the way," The Blue Fairy tells him, "You did not take it. And there are no more magic beans. I mean it's not like the giants are still alive and growing them, so I wouldn't bother checking up the beanstalk just to be sure."

"There must be a way," Rumple asked desperately, "A time turner?"

"No."

"A mage?"

"No."

"A magical hat?"

"There needs to be magic in the destination in order for that to work."

"A pair of slippers?"

"- I wouldn't know anything about that."

"An enchanted wardrobe?"

"There is no - oh wait, what am I saying, of course that would work!"

The Blue Fairy giggled, hitting her head with her wand.

"Silly me! Boy it's a good thing I remembered that, otherwise things could have been disastrous! Okay I'll tell you what you need to do!"

ONE HUNDRED YEARS LATER…

There was a knock on the Darlings' door. They opened it to see Rumplestiltskin, dressed in a suit and holding a cane.

"Excuse me, kind Sir and Lady," Rumplestiltskin took off his hat, "But if by chance is Baelfire here? Bae for short?"

The Darlings looked uncertain at the man.

"Bae!" Mrs Darling called up, "There is a man here wanting to see you!"

Eventually Baelfire came down the stairs, stopping in his tracks when he saw Rumple.

"Papa?" He asked.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Yes," Rumple nodded, walking through the doorway, "It's me, Bae."

He opened his arms.

"I've come back for you."

Bae backed away. He looked uncertain.

"It's okay, boy," Rumple told him, "It's all gone now. I've gotten rid of the darkness."

Baelfire still looked hesistant. Rumple shook as tears formed in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bae! I'm so, so sorry!"

Baelfire ran to his father, and the two embraced.

"I thought – I thought," Bae stammered, "That you no longer cared about me. That all you cared about was the dagger."

"I know Bae," Rumple wept as he held his son tightly, kissing him on the head, "But I promise, Bae, I promise, that I'll never let you go again."

Rumplestiltskin start to walk out of the house, holding Baelfire's hand.

"Wait, Papa! I can't leave yet! A shadow is threatening to take one of the children here to Neverland forever!"

"Oh. A shadow? Is that all? Well let's see what we can do about that!"

THAT NIGHT…

The Shadow enters the Darlings' room, only to be sucked into a coconut held by Rumplestiltskin. He then destroys the coconut by tossing it into a fire, killing the shadow. He dusts his hands.

"And that's the end of that chapter!"

* * *

"We cannot thank you enough for saving our children from that Shadow. I suppose," Mr Darling thanked hesitantly, still not entirely sure what had happened.

"We'll never forget you, Bae!" Wendy thanked, hugging Baelfire.

"Come on Bae, let's start our new lives together!" Said Rumple, as they walked away.

"So you really gave up everything to look for me, Papa?" Baelfire asked.

"Of course I did, boy!" Rumple told him, "Sure I had to wait for about a century then find a way to track you down, but it was a lot easier than waiting for about two centuries, just to find this one person to manipulate to cast a curse, then wait another thirty years for someone else to break the curse, before bringing magic back to find you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Papa!"

The two laughed over the ridiculousness of that situation.

"If you'd done that I probably would have grown up into a disgruntled adult and then died!"

One of the eagles from 'Lord Of The Rings' shrieks as it flies across with a blindfold around its eyes.

* * *

"Okay, children, gather around for story time! Who wants to hear about Snow White, whose parents were still alive, but she never met her prince charming. Or about Pinocchio, a naughty living puppet who never had someone acting as his conscience, or the story of the Miller's Daughter, who got executed because she lied about being able to spin straw into gold, or maybe Peter Pan, who had no shadow and his enemy Killian Jones?"

Commentator: Wow. 'Once Upon A Time' really screwed up fairy tales!

Professor: Indeed.

* * *

"A mermaid?"

"Well sure if you don't mind drowning."

"A sorcerer's apprentice?"

"Pfft, like he would help you out!"

"A White Rabbit?"

"Urgh, you know what, fine! There probably is a way to get there, just wait for at least six years for all the possibilities to be there for you!"

The Blue Fairy flew away.

"Okay I will."

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 **P.S., I do not own 'Lord of the Rings' or anything related either.**


End file.
